you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
