I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
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I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dear god my vagina.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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