THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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