capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
