My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
