I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
