Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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