Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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