I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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