Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
