My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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