I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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