i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
