problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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