Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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