take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
