I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
