Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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