I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
