I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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