Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
