Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
