Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
