I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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