he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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