He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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