I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
