Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
