Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
