Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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