So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
