we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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