we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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