Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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