he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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