i wish semen tasted like chocolate
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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