really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
