I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
These tits shall not be calmed
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
