she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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