Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
