I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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