She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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