She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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