She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
