Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
