Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
