Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I enjoy the company of your penis
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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