I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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