have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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