Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...