I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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