She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
do herpes really smell.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?