i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
