Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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