i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
