i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pants are for mortals
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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