I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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