I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
