Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
