I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I want to be your penis for a week.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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