Me. At least after what I've been through.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
