all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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