One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
