I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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