Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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