I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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