the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
did i walk over a car last night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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