Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
