some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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