what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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