***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
