hotel room ftw
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
