Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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