i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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