i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
