I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
