I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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