If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
