Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
