Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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