Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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