I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
