my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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