Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
