you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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