I just saw a hot homeless man
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
