I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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