I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
