Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
