Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU