I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.