She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
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Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.