I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
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You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s