I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.