Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.