im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
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Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality